why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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