1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize