she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
