Betty ford says i'm here all night
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
