So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
