Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
