I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
