ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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