My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
