I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
that's an acceptable place to lick
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
