i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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