So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
