my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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