he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
