bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
