She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
