i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
