How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize