Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
