she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
