Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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