I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
