Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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