the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
