so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
