i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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