is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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