My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
