Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
