Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
