You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
