kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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