I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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