Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
