Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
