We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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