I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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