my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
