thus making me awesome and them whores
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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