They should really pass out barf bags in church
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
