I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
