garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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