Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
