Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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