Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize