i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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