all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize