One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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