yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
