that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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