Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
