you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize