Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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