I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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