I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
