his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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