Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
