I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
