i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize