He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
