were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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