the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
