time to smoke my breakfast
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
