I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
