I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Found the puke drawer
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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