I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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