I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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