real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
