Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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