i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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