youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
should my penis look like a turkey
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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