i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
