then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
