The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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