My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
