We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
