My cat gives me a boner
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
