So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
