Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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