Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
