you traded sex for a burrito?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
