Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
