I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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