when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
