he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
