I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
