At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
