It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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