Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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