then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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