You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize