I accidentally had phone sex last night
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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