you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
third nipple confirmed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize